Make The Most Of It
by herondalefan
Summary: A always loved BB. An insight into the mind of L's first successor. Fem!AxBB


**I've always wondered about A because he's never really mentioned so I thought I'd write this little oneshot. Yes this is a Fem!A so you have been warned!**

**Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Death Note, A, BB, L or anything from that universe. **

A had always loved BB. She loved his obsession with jam and his messy black hair. She adored his quirky expressions and comments. She didn't even mind his fascination with blood and death. But the one thing that bothered her about him was his tendency to stare above her head with a worried expression. Normally she would be okay with things like this for she was a lenient person but what angered her was his refusal to tell her what was on his mind. Whenever she would ask about it he would brush it off or change the subject. When they got older he would get more withdrawn when the question was brought up and wouldn't talk to her for days at a time. Then he would suddenly be over his depression and they'd do a bunch of overly crazy stuff together. When she asked about his sudden mood change he'd simply say, "We should make the most of it." Whatever _it_ referred to she wasn't sure, something that annoyed her since she wasn't used to not knowing something.

When A turned thirteen BB forgot to get her a birthday present, or so she thought. As the sun set on the two of them A noticed a small digital clock in BB's hands. At precisely 11:59 five seconds before midnight he kissed her. And she had kissed him back.

"We should make the most of it." He told her when they broke apart. A had smiled and the two held hands. They had gotten quite the scolding when Roger found them sleeping on the hill together next morning.

L had been part of their little crew too. He was as quirky and odd as BB in his own way but found sweets more to his liking than jam. L soon proved to be the most brilliant kid ever to set foot in the orphanage and BB resented him for it. They were good friends but she could see the stress getting to him. The bags underneath his eyes were even darker and he became more antisocial. A would be lying if she said she didn't resent him a little too but her competitive spirit made it so it was more of a friendly rivalry. BB made fun of L's love for sugary things while the younger pointed out his obsession with gore. In a way A was pleased that no one said anything about her unhealthy relationship with apple juice. But the fighting did put a damper on her love life.

On her fourteenth birthday she received a locket from BB. On one side there was a drawing of the two of them together done by one of the other orphans. On the other side was his famous quote, "We should make the most of it." She still wasn't sure what he meant by that but she had decided to take it as his way of saying, "I love you." After he gave her the beautiful gift he slunk back to his room under the excuse of studying. Throughout the year BB became more reckless and started to become violent. He would smash vases when the test scores came out and had once actually hit her. After he had done the deed he immediately fell to his knees and begged for her forgiveness that she gave him readily. He hadn't been in his right mind and it was an accident. Besides, she loved him and she would embrace him, faults and all.

A's fifteenth birthday was the beginning of the end. When she had walked up to her boyfriend he had glared at something over her head and stormed out of the room. He didn't speak to her for the entire week. A wondered what she had done to make him so mad and as a rebound reflex threw herself into her schoolwork. Soon she became even more withdrawn than L and much more intense. No matter how hard she tried she just couldn't beat the boy. Was she not good enough? Was she too stupid to succeed her younger best friend?

During the evening after the test results were posted A, during a breakdown, threw a stereo at her mirror. Just as the laws of physics foretold, the mirror shattered and A was left standing in a room with fragments and reflective dust. Right next to her foot she noticed a rather sharp and jagged shard. She picked it up and examined the edges, running the pad of her finger down the edge. A thin red line with beads of liquid seeping out of it was the product of her curiosity.

No one questioned why A started to wear long sleeved shirts all the time. They thought maybe it was her new obsession and never dreamed that gauze hid under her baggy sleeves. For the first time in months BB spoke to her again. But it wasn't the tearful reunion she had expected. Instead he came into her room and rolled up her sleeves. Unwrapping the expertly applied bandages he examined her self-inflicted wounds. He lifted up her hand to his mouth and A felt a stinging feeling on her wrist. Something slippery was sliding against the cut and was causing jolts to run up her arm. Was this love? She wondered. BB only visited her after that to see her scars. He seemed fascinated by them and not her company. She figured he no longer cared to make the most of their time together.

It was her sixteenth birthday. The preparations were made and the exam results were to come out that day. She had studied harder than ever since she believed that BB no longer cared for her. The kiss meant nothing, the locket was long broken in her bathroom, and the party streamers and balloons reflected back at the crowd of children from her hollow eyes. BB was nowhere to be seen and her brown hair, once beautifully curled on such an occasion, hung limply around her face. The list went up, the whispers spread around the orphanage like wildfire, and the trigger was pulled. The shot rang out from the clock tower at precisely 11:59 five seconds to midnight. Such was A's love for BB.

**Dark and full of angst but I hope you enjoyed it. If you enjoy some lighter stuff as well and you liked this story then please check out my other fics. Please review I love input!**


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